Only after I met Aunty did I realise that teachers are beyond definition. Aunty to me is my mother, grandmother, friend, guide, critic and teacher. In these 17 years of my association with Bharatanatyam, I must say that it is prominently in the last 9 years with Aunty, that I have learnt to appreciate the vastness of the art form.

I am stunned to think that Aunty has pursued her love for almost 7 decades, without any determent in her passion for the form. Even at the age of 74, she is as excited about a performance as we are or as she probably would have been, when she performed for the first time.

I feel Aunty has everything that a dancer ought to have: a powerful personality, a heart-felt smile (she rarely smiles though!), a divine voice, effective expressions and everything else. She scolds us often, but I know why; it is probably because she loves the form so much that even a slight mistake is intolerable. And yes, it is very difficult to get appreciation from Aunty, definitely for me - a slight twinkle in her eye (which you must catch in askance while you are dancing), will tell you everything about your performance.

As a thinking individual, I have been quite satisfied in my discussions with her, over my college problems, life's problems and all sorts of problems! As a student of gender studies, I always question my 'being' a woman and one day, I just happened to talk to her about this... and she had so much to say. Her perspectives on life, music, dance are helping me grow into the individual that I always wanted to be.

There is also this strange relationship between us; I always imagine myself as being the maximum recipient of her anger, since my Arangetram, my problem is that I always end up becoming this 'careless child' in front of her. But when she doesn't shout at me, I feel she has given up on me! I have found this very difficult to comprehend, but my intense relationship with her sets my experiences apart, from those with all my other teachers.

Aunty plays so many roles in my life and my expectations of her have always been very high. Teachers over the years have shaped my personality, in that process I would say Aunty has made a major contribution, as she came into my life when I was growing into adulthood. It seems impossible for me to stop writing about her, but I think it would suffice to say that whenever I hear any singer like (M.S., M.L.V. and others) only one thought passes my mind, "My Aunty is much better." Her voice makes you emote, you can't help but dance to her tunes!

Megha Subramanian
aashal@yahoo.com